your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
