Tell her she can't have a vagina
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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