Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize