Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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