Can i not drive my cunt home
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
