Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
