She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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