what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
