and my herpes radar will keep us safe
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
