I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
