Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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