I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
