One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize