what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
