im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
