Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
