she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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