So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
