did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
