; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
What a fucking waste of an outfit
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize