Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You have to summon your inner elephant
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
