I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
