just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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