it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
