I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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