I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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