I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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