windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
