I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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