I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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