Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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