is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
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