I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
