So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
