I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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