We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
