I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize