I think I can smell my own vagina right now
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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