been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize