i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
