So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
