Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I deserve this hangover.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
