I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
