theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
