I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
