I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
