when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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