for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
