At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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