More tranny stories later!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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