I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The air taste purple.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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