If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
