I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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