she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
