Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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