I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Someone shattered a urinal.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
