just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
