Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
