I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
