That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
