The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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