broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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