dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
