I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
