Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
