it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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