can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
