why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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