a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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