She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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