I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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